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FFG Reacts - Ubisoft E3 2016 Press Conference
Cordova, TN; June 13, in the year of our Lord 2016--Family
Friendly Gaming, the industry leader in covering the family
friendly video games is providing our reactions to the Ubisoft
E3 2016 Press Conference. Dancers come out and start dancing.
Attire issues with some of the dancers. More dancers join them,
as well as some people dressed in odd costumes. Aisha Tyler
comes out. She references a tragedy in Orlando. Just Dance 2017
is being officially announced. It will be coming out next year.
It will also be coming out on the Nintendo NX, as well as other
existing systems.
She talks about how bad Los Angeles smells. This is Aisha’s
fifth year hosting for Ubisoft. The Internet hates her, probably
for her profanity, poor jokes, and sarcasm. She claims she loves
games. She references Ubisoft’s 30 year anniversary. She makes
offensive jokes that families do not need to hear. She uses
nasty, hateful profanity. The worst part of culture is being
shown by Aisha.
Ghost Recon Wildlands is the next game up. A video for this
violent, unrealistic, bloody, and gross video game is shown.
Families will want to run far away from this drug and bullet
filled game. Lack of attire, and enticement to lust is also
shown. Dominic Butler comes out to talk about this macabre and
morbid video game. Another video for this game is shown. Bad
language and gore are also in this unsettling game. This is a
game I will never play. You could not pay me enough to play this
game. March 7, 2017 is when this game is released.
A video for another game is shown. Jason Schroeder comes out to
talk about South Park The Fractured But Whole video game. Matt
Stone and Trey Parker come out to talk about the story. They
copied the Marvel Civil War concept in their game. They lie to
all of us about facts. Profanity is also thrown out there. A
video for the game is shown. God’s name is taken in vain.
Profanity is also in the video. This is another game families
will want to flee from. It is disgusting and gross on so many
levels. Sexually deviancy is also included, and Biblical
marriage is attacked. What is wrong with Ubisoft? They have
forgotten what family friendly is. This game will obviously get
the macabre and morbid rating. December 6th is when families can
know to avoid this ultra offensive game.
Aisha comes back out. Tom Clancy’s The Division is up next. A
macabre and morbid game families will avoid like the plague.
Julian Gerighty comes out to use the Lord’s name in vain.
Multiple DLCs will be out in the future. A video for this game
is shown. Violence, destruction, death, blood, and more are
shown.
Aisha now talks about VR. She invites Charles Huteau, Palmer
Luckey, and Jason Holtman to the stage. They play this VR game.
It is called Eagle Flight VR. Carsten Myhill comes out to talk
as they play. They have to get the prey and take it to their
nest. Eagles are what they are playing. This game looks
interesting. It might actually be decent.
Aisha comes back out. She continues her offensive rants, racism,
and propaganda spewing. She announces David Votypka. He talks
about exploring these fake and fantasy worlds with friends
without leaving your living room. He calls VR the final
frontier. They have a new Star Trek video game. Star Trek actors
are shown playing this game. They like the game. Star Trek
Bridge Crew is the name of this game. Fall 2016 is when this
game comes out on all major VR systems. Levar Burton comes out.
He talks about the game, and acting in the show. Cooperative
game is needed to succeed in this game. Can we play it by
ourselves?
Now we get a video for some medieval game. An earthquake is
destroying the kingdom. Warriors fight over some water. Blood,
violence, death, and gore for a thousand years. The murderers do
not even know why they fight anymore. For Honor is the name of
this game that looks macabre and morbid. Ubisoft really hates
families this year. Jason Vandeberghe comes out to talk about
this game. A video of this over the top ultra violent video game
was shown. Vikings are shown. They fight the knights and
samurais. February 14, in the year of our Lord 2017 is when this
game offends families.
Aisha comes out to welcome Pete Young. He talks about Grow Home.
They have a sequel to it called Grow Up. This August it will
come out on PC, PS4, and Xbox One. Aisha comes back out. No
reference to a physical copy of this game. Or if controversial
and divisive content will be included.
Anti Livessuo, and Dean Evans come out. They are there to
announce a new game. A video is shown of what looks like a
horrible 80s commercial. It is a Trials looking game with
excessive amounts of violence. Trials of the Blood Dragon is the
name of this game. It is out now on the PC, PS4, and Xbox One.
It is downloadable only DLC that costs $14.99.
Aisha is back out. She wants to give us another Assassin’s
Creed. Frank Marshall comes out to talk about the Assassin’s
Creed movie. A trailer for the movie is shown. December 21, 2016
is when it comes out. My guess is it will be rated Restricted.
Aisha is back out. A video cuts her off quickly. No complaints
except this game will probably be worse than she is.
The video is for Watchdogs 2. Jonathan Morin tells us we have to
join a criminal hacker group to take control of society. Kind of
like what video games have been trying to do or what Holly Weird
has been trying to do. This looks like it will be macabre and
morbid. Excessive profanity is also in this game. Might as well
call this gross game Grand Theft Hacker. This is another game
families will want to avoid. Aisha comes back out. Yves
Guillemot comes out to talk about Watchdogs some more. Then Jim
Ryan comes out to talk about it. Nothing they say will get me
interested in that game. Then we get another video of the game.
Even more offensive content in that video. Please let this
torture stop.
Yves Guillemot comes back out to announce one new game. They
have a new IP. A video for this new game is shown. We see
snowboarders, and parachuting, skiing, sky diving and more.
Looks like some extreme sports video game. Steep is the name of
the game. It actually looks good. Rebecka Coutax, and Igor
Manceau come out to talk about the game. They show us more of
the game. It looks like another online game. The wing suit
racing looks good. Are there offline game play modes? The game
keeps track of your line, and lets you rewind and watch it. It
ships this December.
Aisha comes out yet again. She brings out everyone who has come
out on stage before. They all milk the crowd for applause. Yves
tells us how wonderful Steep will be. He thanks all of the game
developers and thanks all of the gamers. He loves us because we
push him for excellence. He plugs the video game industry as the
best. He brags about his company. He claims they are free. There
is another video showing all kinds of Ubisoft games with people
running, perching, and more. Sadly there is profanity, blood,
violence, gore, and more bad content. Aisha thanks everyone and
it is over. She spews even more profanity.
Ubisoft Grade: F
God bless,
Paul Bury
Family Friendly Gaming