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FFG Reacts - Ubisoft E3 2016 Press Conference

 

 

Cordova, TN; June 13, in the year of our Lord 2016--Family Friendly Gaming, the industry leader in covering the family friendly video games is providing our reactions to the Ubisoft E3 2016 Press Conference. Dancers come out and start dancing. Attire issues with some of the dancers. More dancers join them, as well as some people dressed in odd costumes. Aisha Tyler comes out. She references a tragedy in Orlando. Just Dance 2017 is being officially announced. It will be coming out next year. It will also be coming out on the Nintendo NX, as well as other existing systems.

She talks about how bad Los Angeles smells. This is Aisha’s fifth year hosting for Ubisoft. The Internet hates her, probably for her profanity, poor jokes, and sarcasm. She claims she loves games. She references Ubisoft’s 30 year anniversary. She makes offensive jokes that families do not need to hear. She uses nasty, hateful profanity. The worst part of culture is being shown by Aisha.

Ghost Recon Wildlands is the next game up. A video for this violent, unrealistic, bloody, and gross video game is shown. Families will want to run far away from this drug and bullet filled game. Lack of attire, and enticement to lust is also shown. Dominic Butler comes out to talk about this macabre and morbid video game. Another video for this game is shown. Bad language and gore are also in this unsettling game. This is a game I will never play. You could not pay me enough to play this game. March 7, 2017 is when this game is released.

A video for another game is shown. Jason Schroeder comes out to talk about South Park The Fractured But Whole video game. Matt Stone and Trey Parker come out to talk about the story. They copied the Marvel Civil War concept in their game. They lie to all of us about facts. Profanity is also thrown out there. A video for the game is shown. God’s name is taken in vain. Profanity is also in the video. This is another game families will want to flee from. It is disgusting and gross on so many levels. Sexually deviancy is also included, and Biblical marriage is attacked. What is wrong with Ubisoft? They have forgotten what family friendly is. This game will obviously get the macabre and morbid rating. December 6th is when families can know to avoid this ultra offensive game.

Aisha comes back out. Tom Clancy’s The Division is up next. A macabre and morbid game families will avoid like the plague. Julian Gerighty comes out to use the Lord’s name in vain. Multiple DLCs will be out in the future. A video for this game is shown. Violence, destruction, death, blood, and more are shown.

Aisha now talks about VR. She invites Charles Huteau, Palmer Luckey, and Jason Holtman to the stage. They play this VR game. It is called Eagle Flight VR. Carsten Myhill comes out to talk as they play. They have to get the prey and take it to their nest. Eagles are what they are playing. This game looks interesting. It might actually be decent.

Aisha comes back out. She continues her offensive rants, racism, and propaganda spewing. She announces David Votypka. He talks about exploring these fake and fantasy worlds with friends without leaving your living room. He calls VR the final frontier. They have a new Star Trek video game. Star Trek actors are shown playing this game. They like the game. Star Trek Bridge Crew is the name of this game. Fall 2016 is when this game comes out on all major VR systems. Levar Burton comes out. He talks about the game, and acting in the show. Cooperative game is needed to succeed in this game. Can we play it by ourselves?

Now we get a video for some medieval game. An earthquake is destroying the kingdom. Warriors fight over some water. Blood, violence, death, and gore for a thousand years. The murderers do not even know why they fight anymore. For Honor is the name of this game that looks macabre and morbid. Ubisoft really hates families this year. Jason Vandeberghe comes out to talk about this game. A video of this over the top ultra violent video game was shown. Vikings are shown. They fight the knights and samurais. February 14, in the year of our Lord 2017 is when this game offends families.

Aisha comes out to welcome Pete Young. He talks about Grow Home. They have a sequel to it called Grow Up. This August it will come out on PC, PS4, and Xbox One. Aisha comes back out. No reference to a physical copy of this game. Or if controversial and divisive content will be included.

Anti Livessuo, and Dean Evans come out. They are there to announce a new game. A video is shown of what looks like a horrible 80s commercial. It is a Trials looking game with excessive amounts of violence. Trials of the Blood Dragon is the name of this game. It is out now on the PC, PS4, and Xbox One. It is downloadable only DLC that costs $14.99.

Aisha is back out. She wants to give us another Assassin’s Creed. Frank Marshall comes out to talk about the Assassin’s Creed movie. A trailer for the movie is shown. December 21, 2016 is when it comes out. My guess is it will be rated Restricted. Aisha is back out. A video cuts her off quickly. No complaints except this game will probably be worse than she is.

The video is for Watchdogs 2. Jonathan Morin tells us we have to join a criminal hacker group to take control of society. Kind of like what video games have been trying to do or what Holly Weird has been trying to do. This looks like it will be macabre and morbid. Excessive profanity is also in this game. Might as well call this gross game Grand Theft Hacker. This is another game families will want to avoid. Aisha comes back out. Yves Guillemot comes out to talk about Watchdogs some more. Then Jim Ryan comes out to talk about it. Nothing they say will get me interested in that game. Then we get another video of the game. Even more offensive content in that video. Please let this torture stop.

Yves Guillemot comes back out to announce one new game. They have a new IP. A video for this new game is shown. We see snowboarders, and parachuting, skiing, sky diving and more. Looks like some extreme sports video game. Steep is the name of the game. It actually looks good. Rebecka Coutax, and Igor Manceau come out to talk about the game. They show us more of the game. It looks like another online game. The wing suit racing looks good. Are there offline game play modes? The game keeps track of your line, and lets you rewind and watch it. It ships this December.

Aisha comes out yet again. She brings out everyone who has come out on stage before. They all milk the crowd for applause. Yves tells us how wonderful Steep will be. He thanks all of the game developers and thanks all of the gamers. He loves us because we push him for excellence. He plugs the video game industry as the best. He brags about his company. He claims they are free. There is another video showing all kinds of Ubisoft games with people running, perching, and more. Sadly there is profanity, blood, violence, gore, and more bad content. Aisha thanks everyone and it is over. She spews even more profanity.

Ubisoft Grade: F

God bless,
Paul Bury
Family Friendly Gaming

   

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