News
No Pineapple Left Behind Releases
February 18, in the year of our Lord 2016 --
In No Pineapple Left Behind, you have to run a school full of
children. Children have lots of wants, needs, and feelings.
That's a problem, because if children get don't pay attention in
class and get low grades, your school loses money. However, you
can turn children into pineapples. Pineapples only take tests
and get grades. They do not have feelings and are not people,
but they are simple to handle and therefore cheap.
I used to be a teacher, but I quit that job in 2012 in protest
of the school's mistreatment of my students. No Pineapple Left
Behind is my critique of the public education system,
particularly the corporatization and standardization that treats
children as statistics in the name of profit.
Features:
Nine different schools, each with unique features and challenges
Manage the school's curriculum, students, and staff without
going bankrupt
Cast magic spells like "Trigonomancy" or "Covalency" to teach
students
Dehumanize students in order to improve grades
Work teachers to exhaustion and then fire them
Dismantle the teacher's union
A sport called Fruitbol in which children throw pineapples at
each other